10 Roadblocks to Effective Workplace Listening by David Wolf, PhD

In the workplace, you'll earn the respect and trust of coworkers if you have a well-developed ability to really listen to others when they speak—and respond in a way that shows you heard, care and fully understand. Supervisors and bosses will also take notice, because very few employees have mastered the art of effective listening.

More than 35 business studies conclude that listening is among the top five skills needed for success in business, yet less than 2% of us have had formal training in listening, and it remains one of the least understood processes in communication. On the job, we use listening at least three times as much as speaking, and four to five times as much as reading and writing.

Too often, when someone is talking, we don't listen attentively and empathetically. When this happens, we give "roadblock responses." Roadblock responses are unhelpful to the speaker because they have some sort of agenda; they tend to be about ourselves, rather than focused on the person who is expressing him or herself. For example, you may want to reassure the speaker because it makes you feel anxious to see her so distressed when what she really wants is to be understood and solve a problem.

So, one of the keys to effective listening is to separate your emotions from the speaker's emotions or problem. That way, you can calmly listen, and then respond in a way that is constructive and targets the issue at hand.

Imagine yourself in the following typical workplace scenario. How might you listen to her and respond?

A coworker comes to you after a staff meeting where the supervisor repeatedly interrupted her and finally shut her down, despite her enthusiasm to share some new ideas. She says, "Can you believe how he ran that meeting? He didn't care what anyone has to say. And the way he treated me? I’m quitting this place!"

Below are ten possible ways you might respond to your coworker. After reading each statement, notice your gut reaction to it.

1. "You should sit down and talk with him. The two of you really need to clear things up, and I think you ought to initiate a conversation."
2. "With that attitude, you'll be fired before you can quit."
3. "Just because you had a rough time at this meeting is no reason to leave the company."
4. "I know you're a resilient and tolerant person. You're one of the best employees in the office."
5. "Oh, don’t worry. It'll be okay."
6. "Life is like that, and you really need to accept it. Each of us takes it on the chin once in a while."
7. "It sounds to me like you have authority issues, probably stemming from unresolved anger toward your father."
8. "Hey, remember that restaurant we both really liked last week? Let's go there for lunch."
9. "Well, you have been lagging in producing those reports, so I don't think you're in a position to point your finger at anyone. You need to be more assertive and speak up for yourself."
10. "You're such a complainer."

Roadblock Responses

Each of the above answers is a roadblock response. The above attempts to "help" represent some fairly typical ways in which people respond when faced with a situation that is emotionally charged for the speaker. The following list describes these ten common roadblock responses.

Notice how none of these roadblock responses helped your coworker sort through her feelings and figure out what to do next. Other possible roadblock responses include attack, defense, denial, sympathy, labeling, preaching, threat, and ordering. It is important to note that these responses do have a place in healthy communication—just not as the initial response in an emotionally charged workplace situation.

The best way to be an effective listener is to stay emotionally neutral, and then restate in your own words what you just heard. So, an empathetic response might be, "You're upset because you feel the supervisor was insensitive to everyone, and didn't want to hear what you had to contribute." This way, she knows you understood, and if you didn't, she can clarify it. Mirroring back her words opens up dialogue in which the speaker can work through her problem step-by-step, with your assistance.

Practicing this kind of conscious attention-and-response every day will help you be a more effective listener on the job—and a more valuable coworker and manager.